He’s dreamy…

Write the vision…make it plain.

I remember being up late one night doing a little Bible studying. Most would consider me a lame because it was Saturday and I lived in Chicago…so there were plenty of other things I could have been doing but…whatever. That night I ran across Habakkuk 2:2 – “write the vision, make it plain”. And it just so happened at that time I was struggling with the male persuasion. Perfect storm, right? So, I decided to write my vision. I wrote a list of my ideal of the perfect man. Don’t judge me! We’ve all done it. Whether it’s physically written down or hidden away in your memory bank…either way, your list exists!

Even at 22, I was proud of my list. There were few lines that included anything physical. I knew I desired depth so the list included things like: God-fearing, consistent, compassionate, willing to learn and grow, able to communicate, intelligent…and I specifically remember ending it with “dreamer”.

All great characteristics right? What woman wouldn’t want those things? Especially a dreamer. In my mind, being a dreamer is tied to ambition, creativity, romance, spontaneity, and adventure, right? A dreamer is sensitive and intuitive and knows how to effectively communicate, right? A dreamer is in tune with what he’s good at therefore, he’d provide a sense of emotional and financial security, right?

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Dear Sweet Baby Jesus all cute and swaddled in the manger,

Could you please be so gracious as to bring me a ‘him’? I really think I deserve him. I’ve had my fair share of…um…well…not hims. Lord, your word says to write the vision. I did that. It also said “you have not because you ask not”, so I’m asking! I believe you’ve put this desire in my heart for a reason. Now, make good on it like only you can! Amen!

Welp, the Lord is faithful, y’all. He gave me just what I asked for. All is well with the wor—-… Not quite. I guess those “write” and “make it plain” parts were completely literal. I wrote “dreamer” and only thought about what it meant to have one. -___-  LIFE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PERFECT! Instead, my life became parallel to the story-line of Lauren and Dominic in the movie “Think Like a Man”. p8883578_p_v8_ab

Now don’t get me wrong; there are challenges but I love my dreamer. He’s the manifestation of not only those bullet points on my list…but plenty of prayers. He’s helped me broaden my ideas of what my future could look like with just a little more imagination. He’s introduced me to things I’d never even thought to consider. He embodied additions to my list that I’d never imagined I’d need or want. But on the flip side, he brought me face to face with the the fact that I am a die-hard realist – the complete opposite of a dreamer.

In the world of a realist, logic is top priority. In the world of a woman, security is top priority. In the world of a dreamer, neither of those things take precedence over a dream. In the world of a man, he naturally wants to lead and provide.

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So how do those worlds merge? They don’t – they collide! Unless both parties learn to orbit one another. Perfecting the art of benefiting from one’s strengths without diminishing the other’s.

The realist will always want a step-by-step plan of action while the dreamer lives by the motto “let’s see what happens”. The dreamer will need the support and input of the realist without the feeling of judgement that realists can naturally emit. The woman will yearn for stability while the man will try to provide it with his next big (possibly unstable) dream.

So, what happens when the dreams seem to get in the way of stability? How does the realist learn to cope with the frustration of watching dream after dream never coming into fruition?

Orbit.

The dreamer has to be patient and teach the realist the art of resilience. Resilience is woven into a dreamers DNA. Failed attempts only knock them off kilter for as long as it takes them to get another big idea. The realist, on the other hand, will retreat from failures or anything that looks like one pending. She’s calculated and measures her risks when presented with any idea so it’s tough for her to let that guard down. The dreamer has to show her that a failed attempt is just part of the journey to greatness.

The realist has to be patient and teach the dreamer how to plan. Her knack for details, research, and precision is something most dreamers don’t have – something he will greatly appreciate once he see’s the benefits. But the dreamer’s need for details can come off as harsh to a dreamer and may trigger his retreat. To avoid that, the realist should find a way to communicate her apprehensions without fire off questions like an AR-15.

Both have the task of keeping the other spinning on their axis by committing to sticking to the execution.

It takes time, a sprinkle of love, and a heaping dose of dedication. And while the differences will undoubtedly produce countless disagreements, hurt feelings, tension and friction; if the two can find that balance, the union will be magical.

I M A G I N E the other person’s excitements and frustrations. C O M M U N I C A T E about everything! L I S T E N with the goal of understanding the other’s position – not just to defend your own. R E S P E C T the other person’s perspective. A C C E P T the help that the other can provide. Be T E A M M A T E S – set goals and hold each other accountable to provide input and contribute their strengths. P R A Y for clarity and direction. Go be G R E A T.

It is possible.

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Keep shining,

Jess

 

 

 

 

2 comments

  1. Thank you for your wonderful words. I agree with you and also would love my own dreamer. But to be specific, a peacemaker. Today, in relationships all we care about is our own feelings. And that is sad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! And you are so right! I truly believe the power of words. And ironically this generation has been called the “selfie” generation. Although it’s meant in the context of pictures, it’s root is “self”. Which speaks volumes to what we see and experience now.

      Like

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