I was scrolling through Instagram and ran across a post that said “Name one thing a man can do to make you smile on the first date”. I looked through the comments and most women said things like “show me chivalry isn’t dead”, “don’t pick up the phone while we’re out”, “never let me walk on the ‘outside'”, or simply “be a gentlemen”. I nodded in agreement with each of those ladies and thought about my own response.
Can I take you out?
It wasn’t long before I typed: “VERBALLY ask me if he can take me out and when we go have a real plan”.
Sounds pretty simplistic, right? RIGHT! But the truth is being asked out, getting dolled up, waiting for someone to knock at your door, and being escorted on a real date is an overlooked & underutilized superpower. With the exception of few, now days most dates are initiated via text with the things like “what you bout to get into?” or “can I come through”? It’s rare that you hear a person’s voice and even more rare to hear “can I take you out” actualized.
One of my favorite Luther Vandross songs is “Take You Out”. It came out when I was too young to truly understand it’s meaning so it wasn’t until a few years ago that I’d appreciate it for more than just a nice song to sing along to. There’s such chivalry, initiative, and vulnerability in the lyrics; especially the second verse.
“Don’t care if I get rejected
At least then I won’t regret it
Regret the fact I missed the chance
For romance at least
I’ll walk away knowing I tried my best
And I’m going, I’m going on with my day
Cause at least she heard me say
Excuse me miss
What’s your name
Where are you from
And I come and possibly
Can I take you out tonight
To a movie, to the park
I’ll have you home before it’s dark
So let me know
Can I take you out tonight”
Now, I’m no psychologist but I’d be willing to bet that the reason women don’t hear “can I take you out” isn’t because it sounds corny. It’s because of the vulnerability in it. The chance of being rejected isn’t something most men are willing to take now. Especially when there are so many other women willing to go for the basic Netflix & Chill invite. But that’s another subject for another blog…
Fellas, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together or how sure you are that she’ll say “yes”…ASK HER! It’s effective; there is a sprinkle of magic in the way being asked out makes us feel. We feel desirable, girlish, and admired. There isn’t one woman who doesn’t want to feel like that! So don’t overanalyze this, you don’t even have to fully grasp the idea behind it – in fact, don’t even try.
JUST DO IT!
And if you don’t take it from me; take it from Uncle Luther…you won’t regret it. 😉
Ladies, keep those standards high. You’re worth it.