It IS possible to friends with an ex…

I don’t have many ex’s but the ones I do have I’m still friends with. Well, with the excepAll but one – he was crazy.) I recently ran across an Instagram post that said:

“If ex’s can remain friends, either they never were in love or they still are”

In my opinion, this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, I’d venture to say “If you can’t be friends with you ex, you probably started the relationship wrong”.

Here’s why:

If you start off as friends it is possible to go back to friends – Let’s be honest, now days most relationships begin with “hooking up”. You hump, like it, and decide “yep, I’m gonna keep this one”. On the contrary, there are still a small group of us that like to take the road less traveled.  A road that begins with friendship. An initial period of learning one another on a level that isn’t doused in lust. It’s just safer that way and based on experience, it ends better.

Not every relationship has to end on a bad note – Culture today says “stay until there is an emotion fatality”. WHY THOUGH?! As adults, why can’t we can mutually agree that something isn’t working before we do something drastic or stupid? Phrases like “This isn’t working. Let’s just take a step back before things get out of hand” still exist – we just don’t use them. But they’re magic! No (or lessened) hard feelings, more respect, and you can end the relationship with a continued friendship.

If you loved that person for who they were without a title, why do you dislike them now that they don’t have one? – This one is a mash up of 1 & 2. At some point whether before or after you started the relationship, you found this person to be worthy of your time, energy, space, and heart. Now that the relationship is over you don’t have to deprive yourself of what made you love them.

The bottom line:

True love doesn’t die, it just changes form…if you’re willing to let it.

The key:

Heal, if necessary.

Establish boundaries

Keep the communication platonic.

The exceptions:

⁃ Toxic people:

I’m not oblivious to the fact that we all have a few ex’s that bamboozled us into believing they’re someone they turned out not to be. Those, you can get rid of – never hold on to toxic people.

⁃ New bae:

If you’ve moved on and the new Bae isn’t comfortable with it let the friendship go or keep the friendship at a respectable level.

You can probably tell, I’m a lover by nature. I love LOVE so when I love you for you…I love you for you – no matter your title. But I understand that every heart is different. So, don’t listen to me! And don’t let a meme (or the masses) convince you to potentially lose out on a life long friend just because the relationship didn’t work out.  Ask God for discernment in your relationships and friendships! He’s never wrong.

Keep shining!

• Jess

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